sometimes i wonder if my tagboard is intimidating people too much.
bcoz the counter jumps but few are taggin :(

i've been thinking today.. that's what will happen when people are free.

i've come to a conclusion that my parents appears to be selfish but in actual fact, is more of overprotective. they are often guarded against others.. in the sense that they dun encourage me to go stay in friends' hse/ use friends' com.. in the frail hope that i'll not spoil them.

i'm not that accident prone actually.. but it just they tends to draw a[my] line from people, though i dun see them hav trouble socialising with people. however, i'm glad that they offer me the freedom that i request for, though dismay were shown on their faces from time to time.

it's weird. you know.. as in.. like... i do nt noe how to phrase it. but.. is it because i'm lack of worldly experience that i cant understand? interesting.

as usual, i wont' be having hongbaos in the coming chinese new year except frm parents.
bcoz my parents dun like the idea of sitting in relatives hse and zuo bo.
somehow, i really wanted to be part of the chinese traditional stuff.
the real meaning of new year, where families gather and have fun [despite the awkwardness that i'll have to face, bcoz we realli hadn't seen in mani years]

after gathering several clues [not convenient to state], i realise there's stll so mani hidden portions of my daddy's side to unravel.
he onli brought me to his cousins hse. which made it very hard for me to call them..
especially in the chinese context, in the sense of the complicating terms you address others.
but i just call them cousins. they took care and played of me when i were younger, from a tiny baby to toddler.
but the frequency of seeing them depletes as i grew older.

i really hope to get down to the exact cause wad has happened that my daddy has stopping bringing us to visit them in this few years.

Once, he'd mentioned that if my paternal grandma was alive, it would be very lively.
that brought me to this part of my family which i had kneeled down in the middle of the void deck with my daddy and mommy.. it was rather empty.. i duno that's a dream or realli a part of my discarded memory. . my eyes burn whenever i was reminded of that scene. .

in this supposedly joyous festival to come, i'm stuck in my own world of puzzle again.